I've been painting up a stormy jungle lately!
This may surprise you coming from me, but one day I just said, "Screw it, I'm painting what ever the heck I want!"
And I owe it to the beautiful changes going on in my heart as of late.
Five months ago, I became a nutrition consultant full-time. Seeing almost 25 clients a day with so much pressure from the hire up's, and hardly any time or energy to paint, I almost quite on the spot.
But, I kept getting these gentle (annoying) nudges pushing me to stay. As much as I didn't want to admit it, I knew God was up to something. I had faith that He gave me this position in the first place, so He would do something great with me and through me in this storm.
I assumed (as I always do) I would be doing something spectacular for my clients - helping them reach goals they never thought possible, or getting many more clients to purchase memberships, or leading clients to making long-term mental shifts about food. Well.....
While some of those things are somewhat true, the most obvious one has been showing up in my art work.
One day, after a frustrating, stressful day at work, I just said, "Heck with it, I'm just going to paint my thoughts, who care's what people think."
And I did. And as I painted, I felt like I was purging out perfectionism, insecurities, anxiety, all of it. I realized this stuff wasn't serving me at work, so why would it serve me in my art. So I let go.
And after the first painting I took what I learned into the next painting, and the next painting, and the next painting.
While I still love painting pets, I've been able to open up and surrender with these abstract wildlife paintings. It's been so freeing, and I knew God was up to something!
I don't know what's to become of this job, or my future, but I do know it will turn out beautiful! I don't have to LOVE parts of the journey, but I can trust that I'm on the right path.